The Wallflower was a performance piece in B-Gallery in Turku, taking a part in Isto Rahkila’s exhibition Ma-a. In the performance I, painted entirely white, stood for four hours completely still against the wall.
Inspiration for the name of the performance came from the concept of attention. Attention is desired yet wanting it frowned upon, at least in the past context of my life. To be e.g. loud, is disapproved for the ones who are raised as females. Obedience, pleasing and the exterior is virtue. Standing still for hours, being observed and, in return, being the observer transformed the performance into something quite different and painful. Standing for four hours hurts like hell.
As I was standing it appeared to me that it is difficult for people to observe me besides from afar. I understood it was because of my nudity and the fact that I was looking at the audience as well. Nevertheless arose self doubting thoughts such as: is there something wrong with me, since no one wants to come and observe me closer? Is there something wrong with my body? People of the ”audience” whispered, I assume as not to disturb me. Though there was nothing to disturb. My sole mission was to stand still. Laughing and other expressions were not forbidden.
The only person, who came to view me closer as I was performing got a jump scare. They thought I was a statue.
This was on May 2023.
In September 2023 I stood again. I was asked to perform the piece in Onkaloissa in Koppelo Gallery, in Tampere. Onkaloissa was a group exhibition by Elvira Eilittilä, Anni Haunia, Milla-Maija Saari, Jonne Sippola, Rita Vaali, Sata Vaali and A4-kollektiivi.
The original name of the piece, did not seem current to me anymore. Still, I kept it. It felt weird to change it. It could be changed though. Or could it. No.
I was quite nervous before the performance, because the last time I performed the piece was so freaking painful. I hoped that maybe this time I could endure the pain better. Maybe I could go past it into a sweet meditative state. Well, this did not happen. My period started a half an hour before the performance and standing was very painful both emotionally and physically. I stood for three and a half hours and then I fainted. Luckily my partner, who was acting as my assistant/roudie on the trip, was hanging around close and caught me. I only got a bump on the head. The gallerist wanted to leave the mark I left on the floor for the rest of the exhibition. That brought me joy.
This time whilst performing I did not look the audience in the eye. I mostly kept my eye on the floor, concentrating on my bodily sensations and thoughts, maybe because my period had just started, maybe I was feeling insecure. It changed the performance. I was just there to be observed, not to observe. Looking back at the audience makes the audience as naked as I am. Looking is power. I preferred looking back, as I did the first time around.
the works 